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Nonviolent Communication
(NVC)
Hear the Heart
Seek the feelings behind the words.
WHY IT MATTERS
Every judgment is a “tragic expression of an unmet need.”
When we can hear someone’s feelings and needs
and they can hear ours,
we feel understood.
We are having a different kind of conversation.
Then we can solve our problems.
Go Deeper. . .
Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication to help people all over the world learn to tune into the feelings and needs that underlie misunderstandings and conflict. He says that “making life wonderful” is what we long to do, and what we do naturally, by giving to one another and receiving from one another when we know another’s feelings and needs.
NVC teaches that connection comes first, but the way we speak and listen to one another can get in the way of that connection. Rosenberg uses giraffe ears (giraffes have the biggest heart) and a jackal puppet to help us sort out compassionate communication from the “jackal” way of speaking (criticism, sarcasm, blame, etc.) that our culture models. To learn more, bring your own questions to Yvette Erasmus's free weekly zoom call that becomes a podcast.
All judgment …
is a tragic expression
of an unmet need.
–Marshall Rosenberg
The solution will find us
when the connection is there.
When she hears your needs
without hearing any criticism or demand,
and you her hear needs,
without any criticism and demand,
the solution will find you.
The conflict will resolve itself.
–Marshall Rosenberg
Nonviolent communication invites us to give ourselves empathy so that we can give it to others. It teaches us to make neutral observations, to listen for another’s feelings (rather than react to their thoughts), and to conjecture the needs associated with those feelings. When we name our own feelings and needs and when we make requests that are not critical or demanding, others are more likely to respond positively to us. We can learn to recognize that another person’s judgments of us signal their unmet needs.
